Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
