Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
