I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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