I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize