Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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