omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
