I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
