She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
