ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
