My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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