I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's like iHOP with fire
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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