Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
