why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
