dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
