jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
