the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
