he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn