blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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