just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.