The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.