New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
