I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
