Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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