i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
