I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's great music for shaving your balls
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
