ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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