we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
