you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize