i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
