talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
