**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
