3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize