you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
