You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
