You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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