Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
