shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We need to get me chipped asap
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
