Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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