So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
