Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
