He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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