It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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