Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
