Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
