Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
