Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
where am i from again
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
