This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
