In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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