yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
