Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
