Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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