Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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