And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
