I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i now understand why vodka
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
