I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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