drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Boobs are out for the taking
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
