we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
