just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
