he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
