a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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