You really coming over, don't trick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
