dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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