Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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