You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
