You just made me feel so damn special
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize