I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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