Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
