I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
