it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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