i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
