last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
