yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
