Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
