i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
