If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize