I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
