omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize