I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
